What ho, what?

England! Because who needs good food?  

That’s unfair, a totally lame cheap shot. I love England. The food can be good, I’m told – and I'll eat the heck out of a fish and chip. And drink plenty of local ale.  

As a travel destination for kids, it has many charms. I’ll admit, I’m on shakier ground when I discuss it, having been there only once (whereas I’ve been to France several times). But ignorance of the finer details has never stopped me from making summary judgments in the past, and it won’t stop me here.  

England has some of the similar features of France, in so far that travel to its capital city (London, btw) is an excellent choice for children. I know this from specific experience, since I was taken there as a boy – 7 or 8 at the time – and I still remember a few bits of our stay (3 days). And that was before they added stuff like The Eye. There are enough iconic experiences to keep any kid entertained and interested; I vividly remember Buckingham Palace (though it’s a bit of a let-down for a kid, I think, it looks a lot like a fancy admin building). I remember that I fed the ducks in the park. I remember double decker busses. And I remember how odd it was that the English put milk in their tea.  

The point is, the trip will be memorable to your kids, and not just for the big stuff, like Big Ben and the Tower. They’re bound to pick up on the little differences between us and them, whereas the differences between us and, say, Italians could be a bit overwhelming. 

On top of that, London is an hour closer than most other Euro destination – hey, 7 hours in a plane is probably better than 8 (though not necessarily, I’ll have more on that in a later post, too). And being able to speak English with anyone and not get the Parisian stink-eye is often helpful.  If I’m grading London as a family destination, I go A. Books and movies are too many to list (Mary Poppins, Peter Pan, Sherlock Holmes), though I’ll always have a soft spot for Paddington. Play some Beatles for your youngsters – Yellow Submarine, especially.  

Though surely you want to go further afield than London? England has a lot to explore (I’ll cover Scotland in a later post). That’s where I think you run into the same problem as with France. England is loaded with countryside and charm, which is wonderful for adults. I certainly would go to Highclere Castle, yet I think my kids would only have a mild interest. This I know from our family trip to the Biltmore; the petting zoo and ice cream were the main attractions for them.  

The added trouble, for me, is the driving. I’m pretty comfortable with twisty Italian roads or the roaring Autobahn, however the whole left-hand side driving thing...I’m not really sure how my reflexes and driving instinct would react in case of a sudden danger. Instead of swerving left, to the roadside, I could swerve right, into oncoming traffic. It’s enough to give some pause. But only some. You're ready to go, so: 

Kent/Sussex, A. Easily reachable as day trips from London, if you must, it's chock full of great places. Start in Canterbury (having read this with your kids) and work west: cliffs of Dover, and Hastings for a real history lesson. Peter Jackson set Hobbiton in New Zealand, but I suspect a better location for the Shire would have been South Downs. Make time for the quaint, half-timbered houses of Rye, and then to Brighton for ice cream and a carnival atmosphere. On to Portsmouth for and the great old ships. That’s as good a week as you can have. 

Cornwall, B-. I'm fascinated by the Celtic stone circles; in the end...they're stone circles. Tintagel, for all it's ghostly glory, is still just a ruin unless you have the Arthurian context. And my kids aren't quite old enough to watch Excalibur. 

Bath, B-. Do you think you can explain "Georgian architecture" to your kids? Me neither. Salisbury and Stonehenge are in the area; you can't even get up to Stonehenge anymore, so what's the point? I'd find the whole thing depressing.  

Oxford, the Cotwolds, Stratford, B. Punting on the river? I'm in! With some luck, your kids may fall in love with Oxford so much that they make it a mission to study there. If they fall short, they can still go to Chicago. The Cotswolds is a little too scenic and cute for kids, if you ask me, and Stratford...well, there's not a really good Shakespeare for Kids out there, so you're taking your chances. All this seems pretty grown-up to me. 

Midlands, C+. I'm talking about Liverpool, Manchester, and Birmingham. I think it's probably like vacationing in Pittsburgh – nothing wrong with that, you may love it. But if you're going to England, there are better places. Blackpool boosts this destination by a whole letter grade, for kids. Probably not my first choice, either. 

Lake District, A. Prettiest spot in England. So pretty any kid will have to like it, in some fashion. Secret weapon? Start throwing Wordsworth at the little dears. Or Beatrix Potter. I long to see Hadrian's Wall, but it's not like it's an actual wall – it's a long grassy hill. Kids won't care, unless you really sell how fierce the Scots were.  

Yorkshire, B. You're getting some serious castles, abbeys, manors, and ruins here. And a dose of Viking history. Not as scenic as the Lake District, though, depending on taste. Maybe you'll love the Moors. I think it's too subtle for a lot of kids.  

I prefer France, indeed, but in a perfect world, I wouldn't have to make a choice. I'm saving England for when my boys turn 12.